Death from the inside out

Let me preface this entry by saying I have been depressed. Very depressed. Suicidal depressed. I have pulled out of the suicidal part, and the constant crying. I am down to daily bouts of crying and periods of immobility. Just needed you to understand my state of mind so you can take this next part with a grain of salt.

Intimate relationships will slowly kill your soul. Or one person's soul. One member of the relationship will survive, the other will die. On the inside. What about these long, happy relationships? 50 year marriages? Maybe, sometimes. one person is defeated and absorbed. Or maybe it is a symbiotic relationship. Like those fish that clean the bigger fishes teeth (is it sharks teeth?). And if you are not willing to clean the shark teeth you are killed off. I guess I should modify my previous statement. Not all intimate relationships. Just the ones that are overly intimate. Living together is overly intimate. Your lives become too enmeshed. Your differences emerge. You think it is about compromise? How often do you get what you want, what you need? Not the stuff like does the toilet paper go over or under. The bigger stuff. Or what about when all the small stuff adds up? What about how he just chips away at you until there is more him and less you? You try to assert yourself and get the silent treatment. So you give in. Or you don't. Then instead of talking about it, he just pretends it didn't happen. Until you just give in all the time to avoid the cycle. Then you have an epiphany. You are dying from the inside out. And a voice inside says it's too late. Just give up.