Friday, March 19, 2010
Misplaced, but not
This actually has been a good week. My mood has been calm, and at times, down right happy. I haven't actually felt like this for more than a year. It's a good feeling. Until today. Today I am gathering some paperwork I need. I consider myself fairly organized. I file things in a cabinet, neatly labeled. Today I couldn't find the title to my car. So frustrating. As I neared hysterics, I stopped and convinced myself it just wasn't worth it. I could go to the DMV, pay a small fee, and get a copy. Not worth the level of stress I was reaching. I took a break and calmed down. Very sensible. Then I had to find another copy of unrelated papers. I couldn't find what I needed. I did find the title to my car. But now I didn't have something else and needed, and this time no easy fix. I was in a state. Talking to myself, wandering aimlessly now, coming apart at the seams. I made myself sit down again. I needed to focus on something else. I made myself wait 30 minutes before resuming the search. It was right in front of me the whole time. I had my hands on it at least half a dozen times never fully comprehending what it was. I guess all's well that ends well, right?
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Oh Kim, how this piece resonated with me. I recognise it and have been there myself so many times. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder many years ago now and my life changed in the same ways you describe. I used to be organised myself and, helped other people with their paperwork and official dealings etc. Now, I am the one needing help with it. Paperwork particularly triggers my anxiety and has resulted in all sorts of unpleasantness. I had to learn to stop doing and just be. It has taken years. I am much better than I was, but there are still certain triggers which tip me over the edge and paperwork is certainly the main one! I am pleased to have discovered a Sister Rambler and your blog has encouraged me to write about my own experience which I haven't until here, now. Thank you. I'm sure all is well that ends well, as long as the effort of getting to the end doesn't wipe us out altogether! x
ReplyDeleteWelcome to my blog. While I would never wish this kind of anxiety on anyone, I have to admit it is nice to know I am not alone. Thank you for your support and kind words.
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