Welcome to my brain

Starting a blog about anything personal seems like a strange thing for someone with a social phobia to do. At least to me. My psychiatrist might say it seems very rational. Personal contact without the anxiety producing "person" component. So if I think it's strange, why do it? That's easily explained. A series of events triggered a major amount of anxiety. Usually something a simple Xanax might help, but I didn't want the Xanax. After all this time, they still make me too drowsy and all I want to do is sleep and I needed to be not sleepy. So I'm amped up on anxiety rushing around with what I keep telling myself is a million things to do, near tears, near panic, considering the old standby of what my psychiatrist calls "self-harm" to jolt me out of the panic (without the drowsy side-effect of the Xanax), and my S.O. thinks I should drop everything and tend to his sexual needs. I don't. He then gets pouty, which is really attractive on a man his age, which adds anger to my anxiety. He heads off to work/errands/man stuff. I am now left in the house having an argument with myself. And a blog is born.